A Bear in a Tutu?: Rant

A Bear in a Tutu?: Rant

Winter

The mercury drops. The smell of the arctic air engulfs the roads of Canada, infused with the overwhelmingly visible cloud of exhaust fumes. After a long tease of “sorta nice” weather, winter finally makes its grim appearance on Canadian roads and for the (very, VERY lucky) readers that are enjoying plus degree weather, I envy you; frolicking in the sand, high-fiving your fellow surfers using lingo like “Hang Ten” or whatever it is you cool people say nowadays. While you enjoy the temperate weather, here we are scraping away frost from our windshields.

But no matter.

Even though people all over the world are enjoying different weather patterns right now, I think we can all agree with one thing: it’s good to be prepared.

The day before the first snowfall was predicted to hit Calgary roads, I prepped my 2004 Outlander and “winterized” it in preparation for winter driving: full tank, topped the fluids, did an oil change, checked my TripleTred tires for tread wear, pulled out the trusty ice scraper/brush combo, extension cord for those extra cold days where you need a plug-in and etc. I woke up very early the next day to add an extra half-hour to my usual commute and rather than wallowing in despair, I looked at my frost-covered window, stared Mother Nature square in the face and told her to bring it.

As I drove around Calgary streets at around 6:30AM, the roads are covered with a mix of compacted snow and fresh-fallen snow; the City cleaning crew focuses on major arteries so I pressed on and cranked that heater to red-hot. However, I did notice that while some changed to their winter tires (very distinctive with its black steel rims), most still had all-season tires on. For those of you that are unfamiliar with winter tires, they’re just normal tires that have a different compound which doesn’t turn your tires into rocks when below freezing temperatures occur. (You can also tell that they’re winter tires because there’s smaller grooves within the tread for better traction)

This prevalence of all-seasons turned a simple four-lane road into a gongshow; wheels were spinning wildly with the naïve mindset that if you put more gas into it, it will somehow grip. People were aggressively overtaking these cars, cutting my braking distance by half. Alert, I ventured on and watched as people struggled to move from the intersection, halted by the black ice while people in winter tires zoomed past; the bourgeoisie guffawing as the proletariat suffered. All in all, I actually got to my destination early, safe and sound.

However, I had all-seasons on.

Now, you probably thought this was going to be an advocacy for winter tires or to rally up support for Alberta to mimic our Eastern counterparts and make winter tires mandatory. On the contraire and I’ll tell you why in one phrase,

“A bear with a tutu on is still a bear.”

To translate, “a bad driver with winters on is still a bad driver”. You can bolt these on and be on your merry way but if you still drive like a dick, you’ll still fail. For some reason, people in winter tires think they’re invincible and everyone’s IQ drops a couple points whenever snow falls. I think it’s the cold restricting blood flow to the brain.

Whenever it’s below zero, normally civilized people become Neanderthals on the road, ignoring solid lines and just merge onto oncoming traffic while the car in front tries to, but now can’t because some a-hole took the spot and won’t let them in. Or whensomebody signals to enter your lane, that doesn’t mean you should go faster and cut them off. That’s right; I’m talking to you Mr. Pickup Truck with your winch and your high beams blinding me. WHY DO YOU NEED HIGH BEAMS?

Sorry. I got a little off-topic there. What was I talking about?

Oh right; winter tires. If you want something mandatory, the government should focus on winter driver’s education. Winter driving is a totally different ballgame than normal driving and you need to be more alert, more cautious and more aware. My belief system is that you have to know how to use to abuse it; if you know that no tire will save you from black ice, you won’t zoom through it at 80km/hr. I have driven a car with winter tires on and I did notice a difference but given my driving habit and current tires, the difference was minute.

My point is, while winter tires are great compliments to winter driving, I think the key to safe winter driving is sensible driving; keep your distance, follow roadsigns and markers even though you can’t see them through the snow, and be courteous. Winter tires are tools and not lifesavers. If you have them, use them wisely.

In short, don’t be a bear in a tutu.

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What do you think? Do I have enough justification or am I insane in the membrane?

Comment away!

– Don

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